Is YOUR wife one of the growing number of “cheating wives” in the US? Is she going to be? What’s good for the gander is now good for the goose, according to recent studies. The number of cheating wives is growing, and may soon equal the number of cheating husbands. You need to know the signs, because you can’t stop her if you don’t know she’s doing it. You also need to know the preventatives, because prevention is the very best cure. WHY IS SHE CHEATING? 1. Opportunity. With working outside the home, working out, travel and the Internet, “when there’s a will there’s a MUCH easier way.” 2. Desire + Permission. You can’t hit a website these days without reading about the G-spot, Astroglide, and multiple orgasms. Women now have the same permission as men to be into their sexuality. 3. She wants to be driven wild with desire and you don’t know how to do it. Women’s desire and arousal aren’t connected like a man’s. In fact, the company that makes Viagra® has finally given up trying to make a similar pill for women, after years of research. As someone said, men are like microwaves and women are like conventional ovens, they need to be preheated. 4. You aren’t establishing the emotional connection that primes the preheating. Too close, too much time together, and you smother one another. Too distant, too little time with her, and she’ll look elsewhere. 5. Your relationship isn’t sensual enough. For more information on why to sensualize your relationship and practical instructions on how to, see my e-manual. “Sensualizing Your Relationship.” 6. You aren’t showing and expressing your appreciation. If she’s interested in it, and you can afford it, get it for her. 7. You’re saying too many negative things about her and the relationship. Say three positive things for every negative thing. You guys are supposedly great at rule-based systems, so plug that formula in and use it. It’s the Magic Formula. 8. You haven’t developed your empathy. You can’t tell her feelings and intentions. This is a big “not good” one. 9. You chose wrong in the first place, and need to figure out why. WHAT ARE THE SIGNS? 1. She’s losing weight and sprucing up her appearance. New hairstyle, nails, new clothes. 2. Change in style of dress. She’s accommodating to a new man’s taste, or he’s buying her new things. 3. New lingerie you aren’t getting to see, but it’s there in the lingerie drawer. 4. Phone calls at odd times. When you answer, they hang up. 5. A huge change in the landline phone bill, and/or cell phone bill. 6. She’s become distant. Seems distracted. Talks to you less in general. 7. She’s lax about your comings and goings. She doesn’t care what you’re up to any more. 8. Less arguments. Her mind is elsewhere. The same things don’t matter to her any more. (In this case, less “nagging” is not a good sign.) 9. She stays away from the house and has suspicious reasons for doing so. 10. She suddenly has to work late and weekends all the time. 11. She’s weakened relations with her parents, spending less time with them, less visits, saying less. Same with girlfriends. 12. You come home early and find a babysitter. (Let’s hope you don’t find the lover.) 13. You find telltale things in the glove box and trunk of the car; fancy lingerie, notes, cards, phone numbers. 14. Flowers arriving at the house. She says they’re from her boss, a colleague or a friend. 15. Unaccountable charges on your credit cards. 16. You’re over budget. She’s asking for more money. People having an affair spend money. They buy gifts for their lover, go to motels, rent cars, travel. Women do this just as much as men. 17. Disappearing to spend time on the Internet. A good way to meet people or to conduct an affair. 18. Strange emails. If you have joint email, check it out. 19. Changes in the children’s behaviour. Children don’t miss what’s going on. 20. Change in your sex life. More interest in variety in sex and new things. She’s learning something new from the new guy. Or she’s no longer interested in sex with you. 21. Lapses in routines. She’s no longer that interested when you track in mud, whether you drop your dirty clothes on the floor, or working in her garden. Studies show that many people who have affairs aren’t interested in leaving their spouses. If you catch the signs early, you can do something about it. A good, supportive marital relationship can generally bear the strain of temptation. It goes without saying it relies on emotional intelligence and relationship skills. Women particularly need the emotional connection, and sensual time as well as sexual. One key to a marriage that will last is if the couple can sense when one another is sad. Can you tell when she is? If not, work on your EQ. It’s empathy, an EQ competency. Another sign is when the number of positive things they say about each other and relationship outnumber the negative things. All couples have problems, but attitude and relationship skills can tip the balance. If you’re saying, “It’s not that bad yet,” look again. Why would you wait until it IS that bad. Desire comes from arousal with women when there is intimacy and emotional connection. You know this, and if you’re ignoring it, you may be re-reading those 21 signs and adding some more of your own. I hear men say all the time, “I had no idea she was unhappy. She just walked out one day.” This sort of “cluelessness” is probably what made her wander in the first place. She may have been telling you all along something was wrong and you weren’t hearing it (selective listening). All of this can be addressed by working on your emotional intelligence. If you’re not good at reading her feelings and intention, this can be fatal to your relationship with your wife. The good news is you can learn Emotional Intelligence, and improve your relationship and chances of being cheated on. If you don’t want your wife to cheat on you, get smart. Get EMOTIONALLY smart!